Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Smoking Rates by Country and Gender in 2025 - Visual Capitalist

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Apple looked at Mira Murati’s AI startup after OpenAI exit, and it won’t stop there - 9to5Mac

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Smell and sight can spot Parkinson’s disease years earlier, study finds - The Brighter Side of News

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t cotton to rapists

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

'Kindness isn't a weakness,' Steve Carell tells Northwestern grads at commencement - Chicago Sun-Times

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Pacific sediment cores unlock millions of years of climate history - Earth.com

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I can read

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Pac-12’s new media rights deal will feel familiar to San Diego State fans - San Diego Union-Tribune

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

macOS Tahoe 26 beta 2 changes Finder icon - 9to5Mac

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Anna Gilmore, public health researcher: ‘Just four products cause at least a third of all deaths’ - EL PAÍS English

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Why do some people feel down in summer, specifically in July and August? What could be the reasons behind this feeling of sadness during those months only?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

The LAX/Metro Transit Center is opening today—here’s what you need to know - Time Out

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Aussie firms Soul Patts and Brickworks' $9 billion merger sends their shares rocketing - CNBC

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What are some life hacks for living on your own?

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I actually pay taxes

James Bond game 007 First Light gets first trailer - The Verge

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t buy bullshit

Trump is forcing this dirty, costly coal plant to stay open - The Washington Post

I have complete contempt for fakery

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I see through liars

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can count

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened